How EMDR Therapy Can Help You Manage Grief and Loss

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy and celebration. But for those carrying a heavy heart, this time of year can be challenging, amplifying the pain of a significant loss. The cheer and gatherings may feel like constant reminders of a person who is no longer there, leading to deep emotional distress and even distressing memories. But there is hope. For those grappling with intense feelings of grief or even traumatic grief, EMDR therapy offers a promising path forward. This therapeutic approach is particularly effective for those who have experienced a traumatic event and are finding it difficult to move through the natural process of grief.

In this post, we’ll explore how EMDR treatment can help ease the burden of grief during the holiday season, addressing difficult memories and unresolved issues so that individuals can reconnect with positive memories and find some peace.

Understanding Grief: A Range of Emotions

Grief is a universal and natural response to loss, yet everyone experiences it differently. While some find comfort in familiar traditions, others may be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and a continuous flood of negative emotions. 

The holiday season can stir up emotions we may have been suppressing all year. For some, the grief is straightforward; it’s a painful but understandable sadness. However, in cases of traumatic grief—such as the sudden death of a loved one or a particularly traumatic experience—grief can feel even more complex, weaving together feelings of despair, guilt, and shock. In these situations, traditional stages of grief don’t always apply, leading to what mental health professionals call complicated grief.

Why the Holidays Can Intensify Grief

The sights, sounds, and traditions of the holidays can act as powerful present triggers, making memories more vivid. What should be simple holiday lights or a family meal can bring on distressing memories and memories of you navigate holiday gatherings or encounter family traditions, these present triggers can bring an overwhelming sense of emotional pain and intrusive thoughts. For those experiencing complicated grief or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) related to a loss, the emotional toll can make it difficult to function in daily life. This is where EMDR therapy steps in as a unique approach that goes beyond traditional talk therapy methods, helping to reprocess painful memories and ease the weight of traumatic memories.

What Is EMDR Therapy and How Does It Work?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a therapeutic method that was originally developed to help people with PTSD, but it has since been shown to be effective for a variety of issues, including grief. EMDR doesn’t require clients to discuss their distress in detail as in cognitive behavioral therapy or other types of traditional talk therapy. Instead, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation—usually eye movements, though sometimes tapping or audio tones—to help the brain reprocess memories of a traumatic event in a way that makes them less emotionally charged.

The EMDR process is broken into phases of EMDR therapy that allow for a gradual approach to healing. By working with a qualified therapist, clients can process distressing memories and negative thoughts in a safe, controlled manner. Over time, EMDR helps to reduce the emotional intensity of these memories, enabling clients to remember their loved ones without the crushing weight of unresolved pain or negative emotions.

The Phases of EMDR Therapy and Grief

The phases of EMDR therapy are designed to support clients as they confront and process their grief at a pace that feels manageable. Here’s a breakdown of how each phase can be beneficial for someone dealing with grief during the holiday season:

1. History-Taking and Case Conceptualization  

In this initial phase, the EMDR therapist gets to know the client’s history and background to understand their unique grief reaction and any traumatic experiences. This case conceptualization helps the therapist tailor the therapy sessions to target specific distressing memories related to the client’s loss, whether it’s a sudden death or a long-anticipated goodbye.

2. Preparation

The preparation phase involves building trust between the client and therapist. Clients learn about the theoretical framework of EMDR, including how bilateral stimulation and eye movements work. This phase also includes teaching clients stress-reduction techniques they can use outside of sessions, which can be particularly useful for navigating present triggers that may arise during holiday events.

3. Assessment 

Here, the therapist and client identify specific memories, images, and negative emotions tied to the loss. The client recalls these memories while focusing on bilateral stimulation, which helps the brain start to reprocess the pain associated with these memories. This phase helps the client pinpoint what aspects of the memory are most distressing, paving the way for significant improvements in later stages.

4. Desensitization 

During desensitization, the client engages in eye movements or other bilateral stimulation while recalling the painful memory. This is the core of the EMDR process where the brain begins to rewire its emotional response to the memory. Over time, these difficult memories start to lose their intensity, allowing the client to experience them without the same level of emotional turmoil. For many, this can mean finally feeling free of the intense emotional pain associated with a significant loss.

5. Installation

In this phase, the therapist works with the client to replace negative associations with positive beliefs. This might include re-framing a memory of loss to focus on positive memories of their loved one, rather than on the traumatic event itself. The aim here is to foster a healthier, more balanced view of the past, which can make it easier to face the holidays with a sense of peace.

6. Body Scan

Grief isn’t just a mental experience; it often manifests physically. In the body scan phase, clients observe any remaining physical sensations tied to the memory, helping to identify if any unresolved emotions linger. This phase ensures that both mind and body are aligned in the healing process.

7. Closure 

Closure helps the client re-center and feel grounded after a session, particularly if intense emotional distress surfaced. EMDR is powerful, and this phase allows the client to leave each session feeling stable, no matter how heavy the topics discussed were.

8. Re-evaluation

In follow-up sessions, the therapist reviews progress with the client. This ongoing assessment ensures that the healing process is continuing in a healthy direction and that unresolved issues don’t resurface.

Benefits of EMDR for Grief During the Holidays

Numerous studies and participant reports have highlighted EMDR’s effectiveness for processing grief, especially when traditional stages of grief don’t seem to fit. Clients often experience significant improvements in their ability to handle present triggers and to engage with positive memories without an overwhelming sense of loss. Here’s how EMDR can be a game-changer:

Reduction of Emotional Intensity 

EMDR helps neutralize the intensity of painful memories, allowing clients to think about their loved one without being consumed by traumatic memories. This can make holiday gatherings feel less intimidating, as memories become more manageable and less overwhelming.

Improved Daily Functioning

Through EMDR, clients find it easier to return to their daily life without the constant presence of negative emotions or intrusive thoughts. This allows for moments of joy to re-enter their lives, even amidst grief.

Healthy Integration of Memories

EMDR fosters a sense of closure, helping clients integrate positive memories with the knowledge of their loved one's passing. This balance between remembering and moving forward can make it easier to engage in holiday traditions without feeling that they are “betraying” the person they lost.

Support for Complicated Grief  

For those dealing with complicated grief, such as following a sudden death, EMDR offers a targeted approach to untangling the layered emotions that may not respond well to other forms of therapy. 

The Role of a Qualified EMDR Trained Therapist

Working with a qualified therapist trained in EMDR is essential. An experienced EMDR therapist can help clients navigate the EMDR sessions with empathy and skill, ensuring that each session is productive and safely conducted. They also provide a supportive space where clients can feel understood, validated, and less alone in their mourning process.

EMDR isn’t a “quick fix” for grief, nor does it erase the memory of the loved one. Rather, it offers a way to reprocess the range of emotions that grief stirs up, enabling individuals to move forward without being trapped by distressing memories or overwhelmed by grief. 

Choosing EMDR During the Holidays: A Path to Healing

If you’re feeling weighed down by grief this holiday season, consider reaching out to an EMDR therapist. The holiday season can intensify the pain of loss, but it doesn’t have to feel unbearable. EMDR treatment offers a compassionate, effective way to heal and move forward, transforming painful memories into something that feels more manageable.

The grieving process is unique for everyone, but with the support of EMDR therapy, the holidays can become a time not only for mourning but also for honoring the past and reconnecting with yourself in the present. Reclaim your holidays. Connect with a mental health professional who can guide you through this transformative journey, one memory at a time.

Conclusion

EMDR therapy is a powerful tool for managing feelings of grief and working through the emotional pain that accompanies loss. As you navigate the holidays, remember that help is available and that healing is possible. Working with an EMDR therapist can allow you to face the holidays with renewed strength, turning difficult memories into opportunities for growth and peace.

Other Therapy Services Offered at GOKC in Brookside, Kansas City, and throughout MO + Kansas

At gokc, we offer a range of services designed to promote healing and well-being outside of helping you navigate trauma with Trauma Therapy in Kansas City, MO. Our services include DBT Treatment, Online Therapy, Therapy for Self-Esteem, and EMDR for Trauma Recovery. Additionally, we offer Art Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Nature Therapy, and Somatic Experiencing. Whether you're looking to address specific mental health issues or seeking a deeper connection with yourself, gokc can help you!